Time To Read More Words (and share some more of my own)

So happy to have connected in the internet with this cool lady: Check out her blog (at which she and her hubby are renovating an incredible home and barn!)and her fabulous etsy site!

I have made a new decision for this upcoming year of my blog reading. Reading blogs is one of my favorite things to do after work, while cuddled up on the couch with my wife and our dogs and fat cat (often with a cup of tea and glass of wine-bliss!). But, after reading a few blogs over the past year or so, I have noticed that I feel terrible about myself after I read them...like I'm not one of the cool kids again. And it is totally ridiculous and insane but it is even more silly that I keep reading those sites (and following a few of them on twitter). I know this is totally about me and not them or their blogs but I know that there is something small beneath the surface that is a bit pretentious and maybe not so real. I can just feel it. So, my decision is to only read blogs that fill me with inspiration and depth rather than begin questioning my worth or productivity or "coolness." This is not to say that I will only be reading blogs about world peace or climate change, I will still hunt for the perfect vintage outfit, the best red lipstick, the perfect barn renovation project done on a modest budget, and I will blog about these things, too. I will also look inside myself a bit to see why not being the cool kid still hurts like hell.

With this said, I also happen to read many other inspiring and ego-less blogs (like AO and hers and hers and hers and this one and this one, too! Ooops, and more (I will share more as I find them). See, there are many fabulous women who create blogs full of art and design and crafting and share their recipes and photographs and share my love of vintage and thrifting and reading. They also share stories of their lives and all of the great parts and the sometimes not-so-great parts. All which are pretty incredible secrets to share with strangers. And I feel lucky to read them. So, thank you, great bloggy ladies! Happy New Year!

p.s. I have a twitter so feel free to follow me. I mostly post about drinking coffee, knitting, tweeting about raising our cute little chickens, or commenting about my wonderful wife's pet sitting business (to help market her).

Oh, and I got a new computer! Wooooot! So, now I will be able to blog more. My computer was slllllooooowwwwing down the past few months and I was frustrated every time I used it. Well, no more! Oh, sweet, sweet Mac, how I love thee always!

I love how Atwood loves to be right in my lap while I knit. <3

Wedding bells will be ringing in less than two months!

I will be marrying my sweet girl on October 15th and I am so looking forward to making this commitment to my soon-to-be-wife in front of our dearest friends and family is beyond what I could have ever imagined myself doing. I guess I thought I would commit to someone but I don't think that I actually understood what "long haul" meant or what standing with someone through the good stuff, wonderful stuff and terrible stuff. I am so grateful for all that I have learned over the years. Some of the learning was severely sad, hard, difficult, terrible, lovely, inspiring, etc. Everything we ever thought love would be or life would entail. I guess what I am saying, or attempting to say, is that life is every little experience, moment, tear, smile, happiness, disgust, hug, kiss, kiss off, heart break, break up, starting and ending....it is all ours. My life and yours.

Needing a quiet place.

I am seeking quiet. Silence. Peace. Serenity. A moment void of noise. I do not want to run away from my life. Rather, I would love to take a trip with my wife and one or two or our dogs and take a drive into the mountains. Away from Florida. Away from the work chatter. The stressful days and busy streets. We would bring books, music, coffee, wine and cheese and other yummy munchies. This weekend is Shaun's bday weekend and we are celebrating by having a quiet weekend at home in our house. No visitors, no dinners out, no going over people's homes. Just the two of us. Blissful. I am craving a cabin over looking a mountain, a lake, a river, anything.

Getting Over Myself

I care, some may say too much, about what other people think about me. Not all people really. Just the people who I really admire, care about, like, love, respect, etc. This includes a lot of people. I worry about what they think about my choices, decisions, actions, comments, etc. It is exhausting and sad. Why I do care so much? Well, I want people to like me. This does not mean that I am a "people-pleaser," rather, it means that I like who I am, I'm just terrified and fearful that others do not. And I'm sure that other people are sick of stepping on egg shells around me and my delicate ego and mushy emotions. I have one friend who is the one to tell me how great I am and how ridiculous I am being when I am worried that someone doesn't like me, get me, love me, want me, respect me, etc. It goes on. But, this friend has told me that I have gotten better. That my worry is at a much more normal scale than where it was a few years ago. She said that I am gaining self confidence and self esteem in areas of my life where it was lacking and she said it shows. This was what I needed to hear today when I was concerned about what a woman, whom I respect very much, was thinking about me. I needed to hear that this woman likes me and respects me. And it must all come down to ego. The ego that I constantly try to smash. And it often rears it's ugly little ego head. And then I must remember to crush it again. I know that wanting others to like us is an important part of our development and part of being a social creature, I just wish that life didn't hurt so much sometimes.

Drinking a cold beer and other musings.

So, I am cranky. Super duper crankpants. I'm sure that it is not the first time. I am drinking an ice cold beer to ease my crankiness.
These are my musings:
I want people to smush, smash, shatter their egos. I want people to communicate with others from place of love, even if they don't love each other. I want people to put aside their feelings of feeling slighted and begin to see the bigger picture. The bigger picture is this: not just us. not just me and not just you. It is about the well being of our world. I know, seems rather lofty and heady, but I mean it. Japan. Haiti. Laws of telling undocumented people to leave a safe place. Denying human rights for all humans. Allowing the Earth to fill up with our trash. All of these things that occur around us all of the time and I feel powerless. I try so hard to treat all with kindness and compassion and I know that I am feisty as hell a bunch of the time, but it is all with good intentions to stand in my soap box, to protect and advocate for others, to fight the good fight. And I guess sometimes I just feel cranky. And I guess this has to be ok. S may feel differently since she has to live with it. Ha!