Yard. A lesson in patience and weeding.

Sleep and Accomplishments

So, the 3-day weekend came and went and the backyard looks anew (well, semi). The gazebo is no longer hideous as I had it painted and had a roof put on. The yard has been landscaped a bit and a wood platform is now hiding the concrete slab. It looks like the yard is coming along! Pics to follow later.


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things. in no particular order. also known as, the disorder of things.

-find out what it feels like to be centered. everyday.
-decipher what it means to be successful in my own mind.
-practice yoga more. and remember the key term is "practice."
-be peaceful in the process.
-write more. start by not paying attention to what I am typing..
-start to love my body more.
-make one new dish per week.

another.

Blood can clot, a toilet will overflow and dough for whole wheat bread will rise all at the same time. I am quite the multi-tasker. I can imagine what life feels like, I can even tell you how everything feels inside of my body, like warm water seeping out of the corner of your mouth. I can tell you these things because it has happened to me. I am an expert of sorts, the person people call when they are researching a project about ontology. I am an accurate example of “being.” I can fall apart and be rebuilt in twenty minutes. Enough time to cry, hyperventilate, wash my face, re-apply black liquid eyeliner, breathe slowly a few times, shove a brownie (maybe two) into my mouth, chug a glass of whatever is closest and then head held high, walk back out into my life.

One from the "oh" poem series.

I want to write miles of poetry on butcher paper so you will always have something to read in the quiet moments. I want to order squid ink from the depths of the Pacific that will never fade so my words would always be near you...crumpled in your pocket next to subway tokens and lint. I draw lines of words that form sentences. You catch glimpses of things I try to hide with smirks and subject changes. Oh..I am a tricky girl with a pen. And it feels good. It feels good to say these things, feel these things, use pens and typewriters until my fingers ache with alliteration and meter...words spill over from one stanza to the next. I break the rules of Villanelles and Sestinas. I give new definition to the sonnet and write your name over and over ten times on fourteen lines and call it a work of art...my best yet.
I came on my fingers and drew pictures on the curb and stopped traffic just so everyone could see the beauty of it glisten in the afternoon sun...they said the portrait was uncanny. I agreed until my jaw unclenched...until I felt you crawl inside of me. Until I felt like a museum.
A candy store full of nickel sweets for the insatiable craving for sugar on my tongue was buried under stacks of acid free paper, cradled between your thighs and mine. Sharp tips of felt markers drag across my wrist as I attempt to show you how I bleed; how it all comes out onto you. A
And you smile because this rhymes somewhere inside your tissue and marrow. Somewhere that no one else has been. Somewhere that science didn't know existed.
And because of this we are pioneers. 

Still flapping and squaking

I'm still here. I'm in DC right now for a work conference and feeling pretty inspired. I'll be blogging again soon about all things that make me tick. Ps anyone listen to the entire new Broken Social Scene album. Good?


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Pain-what is it good for?

I have been absent from blogging the past few weeks for many reasons, all of which, lead to the cause of my pain. Simply stated: I do too much and I don't listen to my body enough. I listen to the constant, silly, coaxing, enticing chatter that goes on in the gray matter between my ears. I like things around me to be perfect. House, school, writing, work, everything, everything, everything. And, apparently, I go to extreme lengths to ensure that perfection has a chance. In reality, I am far from perfect. I am the opposite of perfect, actually. The pain that I have been feeling has forced me to slowwwww downnnnn, to take meds that I hate to take, to stay in one place, to sit still and just be. Ugh, to just be is a task of amazing will power but I have proven to myself that sitting still for 2 and 1/2 days is possible, albeit odd for me, and something that I will be practicing more often in order to nurture my body and mind.