WTF is CSS? and how do I even begin to speak?

I am at war with myself. (I always want to say "elf" after I say "myself" as in myself the elf- but I digress) I want to make an all-star blog full of fabulous vintage finds, pictures of the food I make, the cakes/brownies/cupcakes I bake, or will be baking more now that we have eggs, noteworthy mentions of fashion, art, the world that grows around me. But, in order to do this I need to speak the language and thus far, CSS and Photoshop and HTML is as foreign to me as, um, some other foreign language that I do not speak. The war with myself (the elf-whew, I feel much better) is fueled by looking at other beautiful blogs, blogs written by women who appear to be amazing and carefree and fluent in the words of the machine, i.e. the web design environment. I am committing myself(I didn't do it this time...ok, stopping now)to learning Photoshop CS5 since I freaking OWN it and maybe watching all of the youtube.com tutorials will help me. I am in need of arrows and pointers and fun fonts and creative cutouts of my favorite internet finds, yo! I need brushes and tools and cut little pinking shear borders around my blogness. Stay tuned, folks. Stay tuned.