I care, some may say too much, about what other people think about me. Not all people really. Just the people who I really admire, care about, like, love, respect, etc. This includes a lot of people. I worry about what they think about my choices, decisions, actions, comments, etc. It is exhausting and sad. Why I do care so much? Well, I want people to like me. This does not mean that I am a "people-pleaser," rather, it means that I like who I am, I'm just terrified and fearful that others do not. And I'm sure that other people are sick of stepping on egg shells around me and my delicate ego and mushy emotions. I have one friend who is the one to tell me how great I am and how ridiculous I am being when I am worried that someone doesn't like me, get me, love me, want me, respect me, etc. It goes on. But, this friend has told me that I have gotten better. That my worry is at a much more normal scale than where it was a few years ago. She said that I am gaining self confidence and self esteem in areas of my life where it was lacking and she said it shows. This was what I needed to hear today when I was concerned about what a woman, whom I respect very much, was thinking about me. I needed to hear that this woman likes me and respects me. And it must all come down to ego. The ego that I constantly try to smash. And it often rears it's ugly little ego head. And then I must remember to crush it again. I know that wanting others to like us is an important part of our development and part of being a social creature, I just wish that life didn't hurt so much sometimes.
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